Jaco Strauss' Tech Support Excuse Generator

5,826,168 unique excuses for tech support personnel

Jaco Strauss
Based on Simon Travaglia's Bastard D.I.Y. Excuse Table
2 November 2002 E-Mail this page to a friend

1. Click the 'Create Excuse' button.
2. Watch excuse appear in the box.
3. Repeat to taste (use your Enter/Return key).


Previous Visitor Comments

Name Email Subject Location
Error: input overflow stack corruption.

Message: CPU stack overflow error in the Flux capacitor on the I/O chain of the storage bus port WTF creating a Quantum Matrix threshold of div/0. -- Error code id-10-t, failure of the keyboard actuator. Replace actuator unit in chair to continue.

I loved as much as you will receive crriaed out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this hike.

Visitornot_at_giv.enGeneral Comment
tuesday is just a very bad day for the internet.

the dragonceprn_at_hotmail.comThis is still great, 8 years later
I worked at a company where the antiquated hgelp desk system required a "resolution code". I got tired of typing in canned reasons for normal admin tasks and somehow found the Jaco Strauss site - maybe it was mentioned in bofh stream somewhere. In any case, I used these excuses for 6 months before my boss caught on, and only then because he was checking a ticket for something that had happened again.

Pharmd826johnd896_at_aol.comGood info
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Workbot 3000wb3k_at_codec-infection.combCustomer Reply
The solution had a serious resignalled stack disturbance so we did a dereferenced framing rejection. Upon further examination, the minor peripheral incongruity revealed that unreplicatable codec infection indeed was a non-specific synchronisation interrupt.

In case of further question, please do not hesitate to contact us again.

Greetings and intermittant systems crashes

Customer Support

Developernot_at_giv.enRe: Maybe I should not own a computer
@Dumb User: Yes. Yes it does.

Catahoulanot_at_giv.enGeneral Comment
Customer: "It says I have ’limited or no connectivity’! Why would you limit me to no connectivity?!"

Tech: "Well, sir, that would be an external, non-static configuration error, restart your computer..."

Danodanp_at_gmail.comKick A$$
Deprecated, asynchronous checksum unavailability.

I feel this way every time my girlfriend wants "some"

Cymro Jazzcymrojazz_at_dictionaryofidiots.orgAchronyms
Any chance you could build in a Hilarious and preferably Vulgar Achronym option to produce terms like Asynchronous, Redundant, Service, Error ... etc etc

hi to all this is my first post and thought i would say a big hello to yous -

speak soon


giacomoecaffreys_at_hotmail.combest site !
This is a good site with great reviews !

even to the ’family tech support person’.

Another name for the ID10T problem: PICNIC... Problem In Chair, Not In Computer.

VisitorAnonymousGeneral Comment
My coworkers think I'm hilarious and brilliant. Actually I am just smart enough to press the "Create Excuse" button.

Real Life Bastard Opblah_at_nospam.comthis site kicks ass
Extraneous, major loading crashdump Perfect!

it guyit guys email addressi love it
i cant wait to use this on the next unsuspecting ignorant sole who tells me, "well that should be an easy fix"

I was going to post something witty, but I suffered from an asynchronous, legacy encryption invalidation.

Inherent, synchronous memory expiryinherent, synchronous memory expiryInherent, synchronous memory expiry
Inherent, synchronous memory expiry

Oh, it is you againoh_at_youagain.comMeximelt Beatroasterson
As a spam countering measure only 1 comment per page, per day, per IP address is allowed by default. Your message will be evaluated before publication.

Deprecated, static request dereferencingdeprecated, static request dereferencingDeprecated, static request dereferencing
Deprecated, static request dereferencing

fatal metadata destabilisation occurs from mindless repsonces

Danielbobdole_at_aol.comStill Amusing!
Bravo... Confusing the non-geeks for years to come!

Toddt_scheck_at_hotmail.comTech Excuse
Id10t node error between keyboard and chair.

DoucheBagdouchebag_at_work.comGeneral Comment
Is there a script for this to download?

Now when ever any user asks, what cause my account to lock was a resignalled, non-Valid streaming expiry. To Dumb User, don't ask questions your not ready to hear the answer to

duncan MC cloud oldschool_at_rad.comgroovy
this site is an Undiagnosable, inherent logic-subsystem interruption man

Dumb Userdu_at_idiotsrus.comMaybe I should not own a computer
This site really hurts my feelings man You should not be laughing at people that are as stupid as I am Just becuz I can not use a computer Does that make me somehow less than human? damn funny for words
This site is great, have tried several excuses on users, keep up the good work guys. Anyone who doesn't find this site funny needs to take their head out of their a*se.

hee hee love the site! Use this when machine is unplugged - "reconnect isolated cable to primary power source"

bobnot giventhis helps
vergin media know all these!

Markadditionally anonymouswhat I REALLY want to tell them....
Apparently sir, the solution to your problem can be easily facilitated by a rectal/cranial extraction....

IT Deptna_at_strauss.zaGeneral Comment
"No wonder I can't get any good help from tech support. You seem to think that this is funny?" Yes, yes we do. If you are one of the people we're making fun of by using this, then try these simple steps: Remove head from anus. Read (I know its hard, but, as I taught my daughter, sound out each word bit by bit until you get it). Revisit and enjoy!

Gur00selttobnaed_at_gmail.comWill be using this service often
I always seem to get the ID10T end users.

Hi. Good design, who make it?

DTMdanstg_at_sympatico.caHelp desk ticket problem description
Chronic non corrigeable cranial fault; localized in immediate vicinity between kb and mse; clearly and instantaniously visible on monitor

Localised, deprecated precondition problemAnonymousGeneral Comment
I used this on someone the other day, they just nodded and said alright keep up the good work. HAH

BillAnonymousGeneral Comment
w00t! I like them all except the seizure ones, seizure doesn't sound electronic enough.

I think ive hear customers use some of these

I've needed a tool like this for years.

TECH SUPPORTkillmenow_at_godhatesme.comLOL
this site is many dumb customers will belive this

Bus needs to be handled by dns error to restablish the tcp connection.

The Dudebob_at_bob.comNone
Looks like Attatieby is suffering from 'Localised, serious peripheral incompatibility'. Or perhaps 'Invalid, synchronous memory failure'.

Attatiebychekispam_at_hot.eeWin or Linux?
Hello peoples from !!! I shall buy tomorrow notebook. What there to install? Win or Linux? What is exact assembly? Advise pls, tnx

whateverhummmm_at_junkyemail.comRight ON
Man this site is awesome as for the retard aka "Unknow" until you Do our job and deal with all the reatrds in the upper lvl Buzz off

AJPnunnyabitness_at_myob.comGreat Stuff
This Rocks!!

Joshme_at_mytrashmail.comShit Happens
Awesome. This is perfect for when you need to tell someone "shit happens" but can't come up with a nice way of telling the user this.

pebkacAnonymousRe: No support
Your problem is obviously an extraneous, undetermined swapfile signal. The only possible solution is to never use a computer again.

undisclosedAnonymousYou folks are pathetic
No wonder I can't get any good help from tech support. You seem to think that this is funny?

Susansconkey_at_gmail.comthis is great...
I think my favorite, so far, is "Intermittant, permanent decryption condition" handy for so many things...I am so tempted to start using these in my "help desk" tickets...

Jake21_at_we.comGeneral Comment
Great call dumping tool. Thanx. Call dumping is the name of the game in t/s.

Serious, minor environmental infection...... == spot of floor fungus?

Keithpast_lights_out_at_yahoo.comI know the source.
You have been reading our trouble ticket resolutions

fatal, unrecogonizable, immediate program uninstall

experimental, non-readable keyboard interrupt with a dual beep error

VisitorAnonymousGeneral Comment
Non-Valid, fatal metadata lockout

Tech GuyAnonymousError

Jeffjeffsolo_at_gmail.comTecknikal Support
Please respond...I have tried to download and implement this program for 14 hours now....... My IT guy told me this is the answer to all problems!

Friggin Ridiculous Electronic Device

Intermittent, serious peripheral interrupt

Don't forget the universal fix for any computer issue - Alt+F4

Crowcrow_at_crowscorner.netVery funny
hmm.. wonder if you can implement that for an IRC random "quit" message..? Anywho...very phunny stuff

I think I've used a few of these before... 0_o

bgrinsteadbgrinstead_at_hotmail.comPlug it in...
Is it plugged in?

It sounds to me like you have a tri-phased plasmatic inversion plaxicator. These are normally bi-phased, but a blunt trauma insult to the positronic matrix can cause a delimiting polarization of the sipsoid inverter resulting in tri-phasing the plaxicator. This does indeed, as you suspected, Dave, cause a power fluctuation. Since plaxicators are nodal, and you are experiencing these 'flips' as you call them (the technical term is mono-phasal conjunction events) about every 10 seconds, and I assume you have 60hz AC, which makes it every 600 AC cycles, then you must have a sextimitratic plaxicator. The good news is that it can be repaired easily if you can get your hands on a plasmatic phase ingooction coil. The bad news is that everytime you were within about 500 feet of the plaxicator when it had a mono-phasal conjunction event, you absorbed about .oo34 cilijoules of plaxatic radiation (an extremely high frequency radiation that has been known to cause ED in cephalopods).

Interesting... Multiple, aborted programming interruption

GuinessAnonymousGeneral Comment
Undiagnosable, non-Valid streaming rejection That's not a computer message, that's when the chick at the bar was yelling at me...

Unfiltered, deprecated precondition dereferencing. Perfect for describng what I was doing to my PC after it crashed .. and was being repaired for re-loading

"Just fix the god dam problems, thats what you get paid for" No Tom, we get paid for ditching calls. yeah
I've e-mailed this round to my team and we now have a competition to see how many of these we can fit into meetings each day

Lorniuslorne_at_some_addres_dot_comHa ha ha ha
Finally something comes to mind for those questions that cannot be answered on the spot.

Mr GritAnonymousGeneral Comment
Brilliant. This is just what I needed to re-affirm my subconcious belief that I don not have a clue what's going on. Blrblblrblblrblblrbl... :P always get these messages
And I used to think "Symbolic stack dump follows" was really cool!

Double You Tea Effannon_at_annon_dot_comDouble You Tea Eff
Double You Tea Eff

TiredAnonymousGeneral Comment
My give a damn busted!

geoffnco_que_jbuen_at_msn.combad ass
good if dumb yank asses even know the start button

everetteveretthutchinson_at_comcast.netway cool
Much fun and not a few usable excuses.

VisitorAnonymousGeneral Comment
This Excuse Generated delivers.

Very very cute. I approve. -----

TomAnonymousGeneral Comment
Just fix the god dam problems, thats what you get paid for

JakeAnonymousright click - firefox
You cant block the right click on Motzilla Firefox

i have so many times used this site to punt calls..2 1/2 years of MSN tech support..and this always works..even when getting monitored..the bloody quality coaches dont know what yer talking about..but it sounds damn good!!YAY YOU!!

another tech guyAnonymousI LOVE IT!!
It is so fitting---especially in the fouled up environment that I work in!

charlyj.f.k52_at_web.dealkohol ?
happy new error / 2006 . Einsprung - Punkt noch nicht gefunden !

RCHhahnfeldt3_at_hotmail.comthe best

Mattno thankserror
Im sorry, you seem to have a ID 10 IT error

The problem seems to be between the keyboard and the chair.

DrudeAnonymousAnother way around
You can also click and hold the right mouse button, then left-click the "OK" and then release the right-click.

fatel error on the flux compacitor

Jaco Click
I has always been a no-brainer. Have you heard of View >> Source from the IE menu, duh? I disabled right click ages ago while playing around and never bothered putting it back. It irritates me too, so I'll go and locate the relevant code as soon as the spirit moves me. And Btw, thanks for the compliment!

BigFrankfrank_at_youre_kidding_right?Right Click
"Haha Rightclick might be disabled but i can see the source anyway :-P" Yeah, you twat, but you could also get a decent browser like FF and then you can right-click anyway. Or you could click View Source, you fucking loser. Anyway, Strauss, great excuse generator!

LiVEwiRewww.livewire7.blogspot.comBest explanation I've had yet!
Unreplicatable, serious peripheral failure followed by a Redundant, inherent logic-subsystem rejection! If only HP would have told me that (or my ISP) perhaps I'd be on my way to having a fully functioning PC! {Enter corny 'Mentos' thumbs up here! =)} This was great for a chuckle after all the 'helpless' desk crap I've been dealing with.

"Asynchronous, duplicated integrity problem" Why didn't I think of that! Thanks Tech Support Excuse Generator, you've saved me!

Farrierno emailShortest, longest
Total fatal bus bug. Non-Replicated unreplicatable synchronisation desynchronisation. Not the only longest or shortest. But there are none shorter or longer and those were the most amusing :)


uh,even betterwhy so hostile?
Or just use firefox. It's not like it's worth all that hostility, jesus christ.

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